They Stood Tall As Palm Trees

"with blond hair and ruddy skin. They are tattooed from "fingernails to neck" with dark blue or dark green "tree patterns" and other "figures" and that all men are armed with an axe and a long knife."(source)

For those of us with a lingering Viking's savagery left in our refined DNA.

Nations are warned

when their sycamores are struck down. 

Can you eat it all

and still go shopping the next day?

The Sweat In Your Pizza

Can you taste the hard work? Can your distinguish from the cheese and pepperoni that taste of musk from the drops of sweat that rolled off the wet forehead of the man who spread the toppings on your behemoth pizza?

Thank the wage slaves who made it possible.

Good job! You voted

for Wall Street.

We could really blast off into deep space

if only we didn't have to spend all our money killing all the terrorists first.

You people

have lost your vision.

Rising tide of chaos in the Middle East

should not be blamed on Barack Obama or George Bush Jr, but instead on Pluto moving into Capricorn.

Here's your endorsement: I wear a special pair of Nikes

just to use the toilet.

There are plenty of other young men to prey on

...it's kind of silly to be hung up on just one of them.

So stately & corporate looking

during the debate. You could hardly guess how willing they are to blow up other countries.

I've been handled

and re-handled, mishandled and handed over, and handed back again. I've been promoted for my handleability, and chastised for my handlelessness and losing my handle and shaving my head.

Here's your fame. Here's your American Dream.

Hottest Colors for Fall: Navy Blue On Top of Black

I suspect the trend will last through Winter.

"The Captain Hasn't Shat For Days...

he's determined to hold it as long as he can."

At Least She's Happy

That's more than you can say about yourself. Whatever your American Dream happens to be, find it.

You've Never Heard It Speak

because you've never listened.

Jobs jobs jobs jobs jobs

jobs jobs. Jobs jobs. Jobs. Jobs jobs. Jobs jobs jobs jobs. Jobs.

You thought you were too old for this to happen again

but then you heard of the NDAA bill.

The Left Hand Is Not The Best Hand

while on the campaign trail.

But I've Pissed In Carrie Fisher's Bathroom!

You can't keep me in here!

They'll Stomp Your Dog To Death

Guardian llamas. Good and bad. Pros and cons.

CNN Responds To State Department's Criticism

of how they used slain ambassador Christopher Steven's journal to impart information on the subject to the masses.

Problem is, nobody watches CNN anymore.

These Rich Women With Their Floppy Hats

It's a type of woman, and they'll take you over.

DiGiorno Pizza & Cookies

means you've landed in the land of the free, and home of the brave. Reaping the benefits of a free market.

Of Course Moses Had Tattoos

But finding a picture of him with his robe off isn't easy to find.

47% Of You Are Hopeless Losers

and I'm not sorry for saying it!

Trying to Stop WWIII

Moby Dick rumored to be destroying US battleships in the Strait of Hormuz. Israel claims the great white whale is Iranian by nature. The rest of the world says the whale is just a whale with no national allegiances of any kind.

Either way, the battleships are in place. 

First Thing You Do When You Wake Up

is dump the contents you deposited in your old bed pan during the middle of the night into the alleyway below. You don't even look out the window anymore to be certain nobody is in the way.

You are from the Middle Ages, and you live like a dog.

Getting out of bed.

Sure Feels Good To Be A Human, You Want To Say

but don't get sentimental about it. Keep it to yourself.

Race That Motherfucker To Mars

the better solution to 9/11