The Crown Was Too Big for the Queen

and even with her fluffed curls, it didn't set right atop her head. So they saved the crown for the next best thing. It's been setting in the Windsor Castle's backyard since 1954, and God still hasn't even tried it on.

He Doesn't Look Like He's Dead, But He Is

I assure you. But he's still dreaming. Death is a game. A fairy tale for children. Real souls don't die. Good, honest souls don't perish.

From Very Volatile Russia, to Dear Dirty America, death is but a dream.

The Proto-Type for A Much Larger Los Angeles Endeavor

If we could make that the size of a whole city block, the L.A. mayor thought, we'd have a serious facility where homeless folks could do their business without hassle from police and shop keepers.

For America's city officials, this would be called a light bulb moment.

New bathroom facility for L.A. homeless to be giant sandbox

In the Early Days of the Roman Empire This Coin

could buy you a new car with a luxury package. Today, you can't give the damn thing away.

Giant Nipple On the Edge of the Sea

They didn't realize it, until they stood back to survey their work. One of them mentioned they might have used blue. The construction crew shook their heads. Can't see blue, from afar on the sea. Well there she be looking like an old giant rubbed-red raw nipple next to the edge of the sea. I don't see how that's much better, the one said.

While the rest of them agreed, nobody seemed to think it was an awfully big problem. Give them sailor boys something to salivate over.

You Want My Walking Stick?

And these shoes and socks and cape and coat? What else you want? I'll hand it over! 

Can You Spot the Terrorist In This Picture?

You'd better look harder. You'd better LOOK HARDER. YOU'D BETTER LOOK HARDER!

"I Eat Lots of Meat!"

"That's why I can stand on my head and hold my breath for sixteen minutes. Meat makes you big and strong. Especially human meat. Nothing more powerful than that!"

Officer, your butt really stinks

Why? Don't you shower? Are you too busy playacting importance over people less aggressive than yourself? Are you some kind of United Nations peace officer? Why do you have a gun? And why is it such a powerful one? You would look better in a pink dress.

This blog isn't about sex

It's about getting raped, very, very slowly.

Dear Dirty America: the new blog

(See Dear Dirty America here)

Even Marilyn Monroe Has a Sex Film?

Everybody has to do porn to be successful in America (read more here)

From Change.org

Stop Charles Manson from getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Greetings,

I just signed the following petition addressed to: Charles Manson.

----------------
Stop Charles Manson from getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Because he is not that much of a contribution to the music industry. And most importantly he is a cult leader of a group of thugs that murdered many people. This would be a disgrace to the memory of Sharon Tate and the other victims.
----------------

Sincerely,

[Your name]

(From Change.org)

Stop Charles Manson from Getting a Star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame!

(Voice your opinion here)

Charles Manson To Get a Star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame?

(credit: Biskuit)

""We understand there will be some blowback from our decision to include Charles Manson in Hollywood's prestigious Walk of Fame, but Charlie is a musician first and foremost, and he spent of a lot of time here in Hollywood." (read more here)

Lyle Shove-It Found! In Oakland's Cathedral of Christ the Light

(credit: Cam Vilay)

Lyle makes a scene (read more here)

Fundamental Baseball Rules Change? The New Bud Selig Rumor

A home run hitter would no longer have to round the bases (read more here)

Teleport Yourself Directly into the Political Process

Teleportation is real. Trust me, and trust Dr Bruce Goldberg (read more here)

A Gonorrhea Superbug!

An STD superbug! And how it relates to the GOP (read more here)

Kid Rock to Curb His Drinking

I use the Detroit rocker's new healthier lifestyle choice to impart a life lesson to a drunkard (read more here)

Phoenix's Menacing Haboob

The massive Arizona dust storm (read more here)

A secret July 4th meeting

(credit: Elgaard)

Back alley deficit talks and debt ceiling negotiations. Obama. Boehner. Only one man left standing (read more here)

Your Penis & Your Fingers

Penis size study says the sizes of both are directly linked.

My homeless buddy, Johnny, certainly thinks so (read more here)

I'm Blowing up My Fireworks on July 5th

So the celebration can continue! (read more here)

Cover Him in Cheese & Stuff him Into a Pizza Box

What is a real black man? Not Obama. Ask Herman Cain for details (read here)

Glenn Beck Largely Influenced My Online Writing Career

(credit: David Shankbone)

Ride, Glenn, ride! (read more here)

Obama's A Dick...Well, Yeah! We Know!

Mark Halperin suspended by MSNBC for calling Obama a dick. Everybody's apologizing, but nobody is seriously looking into the accusation (read more here)

Chris Hansen Caught Cheating On Wife

(credit: EchoHawk)

It's a sharkish world out there (read more here)

Esquire Sued by Birthers

Why can't I get a lawsuit for the nasty things I've written? (read more here)

Flesh Eating Cocaine in Los Angeles

It'll eat your nose! (read more here)