Make-up McCain

Senator McCain sits in a lavish chair before a great mirror. Two beautiful and well made-up women work on his face in the heat of bright lights. They twirl brushes, periodically turning to a large cart behind the Senator’s chair to dip into more product or to change make-up instruments. Various, well-dressed people scurry around the outer edges of the room, some talking on cell phones, others talking with each other. One man talks to the wall, emphatically waving his hands.

Make-up Girl 1: Oh my God! We’re out of make-up.

(She scrapes her brush in numerous make-up receptacles. Her face takes on a look of horror as she realizes what she said is true)

Make-up Girl 1: Oh my…we really ARE out of make-up. Oh…God!

Make-up Girl 2: Seriously? (She looks at the make-up cart and gasps) I thought you said we had enough…

Make-up Girl 1: Well, I thought we DID have enough. What are we going to do?

(She looks around, tries to wave down one of the many important people in the room) Excuse me? Excuse me, sir? Ma’am?

(Hopeless, she turns to the other girl and holds out her hands)

Who would have thought he’d need so much?

Make-up Girl 2: Tell me about it. Good GOD! And we’re not even half finished. He can’t go out there and debate like this.

Make-up Girl 1: No, he can’t. Then they’ll know how old he really is.

(McCain begins snoring lightly)

Make-up Girl 1: We’ve got to do something.

Make-up Girl 2: But what? If we at least had more plaster, we could make him kind of OK.

Make-up Girl 1: Excuse me! Hey! Excuse me! Anyone?

(The man talking to the wall suddenly punches the wall with his fist)

Make-up Girl 2: I’ll get their attention.

(She moves make-up cart and twirls McCain around in his chair to face the people walking in and out. Loud screams come from those who happen to be standing in the wrong place at the wrong time. Men and women in business suits begin entering room with concerned looks on their faces.)

Men and Women in Business Suits: What? What’s going—

(More screams, someone begins wailing)

Random Man in Business Suit: (Pointing at McCain) Good God!

(McCain still snoring, his head hanging forward)

Pretty Woman in Business Suit: What’s that?

(More people enter room, screams continue. Man who punched the wall steps up, calm and collected, points to McCain and says)

Man Who Punches Walls: Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, the GOP!

(A spattering of claps, cheers, and whoops from the gathering)