You people

have lost your vision.

Rising tide of chaos in the Middle East

should not be blamed on Barack Obama or George Bush Jr, but instead on Pluto moving into Capricorn.

Here's your endorsement: I wear a special pair of Nikes

just to use the toilet.

There are plenty of other young men to prey on

...it's kind of silly to be hung up on just one of them.

So stately & corporate looking

during the debate. You could hardly guess how willing they are to blow up other countries.

I've been handled

and re-handled, mishandled and handed over, and handed back again. I've been promoted for my handleability, and chastised for my handlelessness and losing my handle and shaving my head.

Here's your fame. Here's your American Dream.

Hottest Colors for Fall: Navy Blue On Top of Black

I suspect the trend will last through Winter.

"The Captain Hasn't Shat For Days...

he's determined to hold it as long as he can."

At Least She's Happy

That's more than you can say about yourself. Whatever your American Dream happens to be, find it.

You've Never Heard It Speak

because you've never listened.

Jobs jobs jobs jobs jobs

jobs jobs. Jobs jobs. Jobs. Jobs jobs. Jobs jobs jobs jobs. Jobs.

You thought you were too old for this to happen again

but then you heard of the NDAA bill.

The Left Hand Is Not The Best Hand

while on the campaign trail.

But I've Pissed In Carrie Fisher's Bathroom!

You can't keep me in here!