The Crown Was Too Big for the Queen

and even with her fluffed curls, it didn't set right atop her head. So they saved the crown for the next best thing. It's been setting in the Windsor Castle's backyard since 1954, and God still hasn't even tried it on.

He Doesn't Look Like He's Dead, But He Is

I assure you. But he's still dreaming. Death is a game. A fairy tale for children. Real souls don't die. Good, honest souls don't perish.

From Very Volatile Russia, to Dear Dirty America, death is but a dream.

The Proto-Type for A Much Larger Los Angeles Endeavor

If we could make that the size of a whole city block, the L.A. mayor thought, we'd have a serious facility where homeless folks could do their business without hassle from police and shop keepers.

For America's city officials, this would be called a light bulb moment.

New bathroom facility for L.A. homeless to be giant sandbox

In the Early Days of the Roman Empire This Coin

could buy you a new car with a luxury package. Today, you can't give the damn thing away.

Giant Nipple On the Edge of the Sea

They didn't realize it, until they stood back to survey their work. One of them mentioned they might have used blue. The construction crew shook their heads. Can't see blue, from afar on the sea. Well there she be looking like an old giant rubbed-red raw nipple next to the edge of the sea. I don't see how that's much better, the one said.

While the rest of them agreed, nobody seemed to think it was an awfully big problem. Give them sailor boys something to salivate over.

You Want My Walking Stick?

And these shoes and socks and cape and coat? What else you want? I'll hand it over!